May 20th: I Can't Wait For Summer

Today was alright.

I didn't do anything notable today. I just went to class and did my homework. It was Senior Ditch Day Today, so classes were a little more sparsely populated.

Every day feels like the same for quite a while. I've been doing the same routine for a long time. From waking up at 7:40, to barely making it to school on time. To going to the lunch line and waiting, to finishing my food quickly and wandering around school, with no direction, hoping for something. But it never comes. To silently listening in class, daydreaming of a different, ideal life. To walking home by myself and seeing that weirdo pass by. To listening to the same damn music and taking a nap on the couch. To sleeping at 1AM and pondering life. Nothing ever changes.

I want there to be a bit of a switch up, I want a little change. It's been the same monotonous, boring, and rather depressing routine every day. Though I survive in this routine right now, which I'm certainly grateful for compared to dealing with more constant pressures earlier in the year, I yearn for something different, I seek to thrive and experience joy on the regular basis.

Summer will be the next time I can rethink life. I can rethink about my actions, and I can reflect on them. I can pour my time into making projects that have speckles of ME in them, that give me various joy when I see them function. Every day I feel like I have "I hope" statements, and I think of plans, but I don't know when I'll get around to doing them. I certainly intend for summer to be the time I can work on myself and cross things off of my todo list. But when time comes around, will I be able to do so? Will I leave summer with less regrets that I did previous' years?

I always have intentions, but when it comes to executing my hopes and plans, it feels like I never have the motivation to do so. I always plan to do more than I actually do. Yet, I'm certainly aware of the improvement and impact of my plans. Such is the impact of living like this. Living everyday without any change makes you expect the failures of the regular day and it makes you pessimistic of important success, no matter how minor they are.

Thus, I plead for summer to come closer. These two weeks will be living hell as the responsibilities I retain both have no impact yet are the final actions I can take for my Junior year. May summer be a prosperous period this year, may it be eventful, full of community and friendship, yet productive. I hope the sun doesn't beat down as hard as it did previous' years.

I hope for a joyful summer.

Thanks for reading,
Issac